Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
