The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
