This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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