I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
