I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
