My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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