If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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