My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
