At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize