went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
