Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
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Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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