How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
