the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
