Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
