I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
