Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
