I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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