A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
