I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
