this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
