You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
