I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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