I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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