so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
