I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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