see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize