I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
