i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
