so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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