why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
