Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
