Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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