I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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