So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
