hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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