I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
