Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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