"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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