i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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