matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
