Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I party with great urgency now.
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