why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You ate ashes out of my bong
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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