I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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