He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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