She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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