I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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