I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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