I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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