It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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