I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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