I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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