I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
