It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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