kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
