Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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