i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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