the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
