"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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