All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
