i think my mom watched the whole time
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
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That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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