Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
