the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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