No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
