never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
