No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize