Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
