So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
