Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
