I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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