If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
